AOL's PR team sucks

I am inexplicably but undeniably annoyed whenever the commercial for the new AOL appears on my television (and considering how many hours I've been spending on my bed, watching TV lately, this means a lot of annoyance).

Not the one for AOL Video, but the one with the blonde woman--Amy, as we find out near the end of the commercial--exploring the shiny new features of the new AOL experience. We're told that Amy can now do four things at once and "multitask like never before!" She can type something into a search engine and be rewarded with words, pictures, video, music, etc., "all on the same page!" She can now create an e-mail address that is truly her, and she chooses "amy@myworldismusic.com."

AOL is trying to tell us that their new internet service is awesome and convenient and easy and WAY BETTER THAN THE ONE YOU HAVE RIGHT NOW. The thing that annoys me--and while it's not really their fault, I can't help but attempt to peg the blame on them anyway-- is that none of these features appeal to me.

Four things at once? That's what the "create new tab" tool is for on Firefox. I really don't need four windows open at once, it just confuses me. I'd rather be able to switch between tabs.

All that shit on one page of a search engine? No, thank you. That's why I use Google when I want words and Google Images when I want pictures and Google Maps when I want a map and Youtube when I want video.

And that e-mail thing is just asking for cheesy stuff. Amy is a perfect example of that. "Myworldismusic.com?" It makes me cringe. "My world is music" is just cheesy! I can't quite explain why it irks me so, or why I even care, but I just don't. Like. It. Letting people choose their own dot com is opening the door for emo kids to have addresses like "RazorBlade@TornUpWrists.com." Or twelve-year-old girls to have "MrsWentz@FallOutBoy.com." It's just simpler, cleaner, and far less juvenile to have generic dot coms like @gmail.com or @cox.net or @hotmail.com, just like everyone else.

Stop trying to be creative and innovative, AOL, it's clearly not working out for you.

On an entirely unrelated note, what's the most tactful way to get out of joining a cult? Any suggestions? I'm wavering between "You know, brainwashing just doesn't fit into my schedule right now," and "Sorry, I can't make the meeting that day--it conflicts with my bimonthly animal sacrifices at the Y."